


Teach me How to Love

by EnigmaticAnomaly



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Mentioned Finn, Mentioned Han Solo, Mentioned rey, emotional/mental dependence, not really an ending, really long, some fluff at the end if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-17
Updated: 2016-01-17
Packaged: 2018-05-14 10:30:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5740261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnigmaticAnomaly/pseuds/EnigmaticAnomaly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With great power controlled by pure emotion what could possibly go wrong?<br/>I am so bad at summaries I am sorry.<br/>Padawan Lady Sith.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted a female Sith so bad I decided to make my own. Sorry if this focuses a lot on my character, it sort of got away from me at some parts.

Daria walked quickly behind her superiors as General Hux and Captain Phasma discussed the Storm troopers that had just been dispatched into their unit. She didn’t envy those who were chosen at birth for that fate; she had been indentured for another role since she was young. Daria had been found at the age of 12 trying to hack a ship for it’s detonation codes, to sell on her frozen little planet that only understood money as power. Instead of killing her the first order took her and forced her to work. No one imagined her to rise to the role she assumed now.  
“Are you listening, Daria?” Hux stopped to look at her as did Phasma.  
“Yes sir.” She looked up from her tablet and shook the thoughts from her mind. “But I believe Captain Phasma pointed out that one of the Troopers seemed to be exhibiting elevated amounts of empathy. FN-2187 if I remember correctly.”  
“It isn’t a problem.” Phasma continued walking and they followed. “His first mission is coming up. If isn’t fully assimilated after that I will send him back to conditioning.”  
“Fun.” Daria raised her eyebrows as she continued typing on her tablet.  
“Why don’t you give it a try and tell me just how fun you still think it is.” Hux’s face was stern but she could see him trying to hide a smirk.  
“After you sir.” She grinned to herself.  
“Make yourself useful and check if there were more concerns from the meeting.” He shot at her.  
“That seems to be the last of it, General.” Daria concluded as she poked at her tablet with a bored expression. “You didn’t have any other concerns other than that last one. Unless you forgot to tell me.”  
“Good. While we go over the plans for the republic see what you can do with the encrypted message we intercepted.” Hux gave her a sideways glare. “And stop with the attitude.”  
She rolled her eyes when he wasn’t looking as she followed them into the war room. She quickly set herself up at a computer to the left, drowning out their talking as she inserted the file.  
Many people wondered a hacker with minimal fighting skills had risen to be the right hand of a general. Daria wasn’t ranking by any means but she possessed a considerable amount of sway amongst the other soldiers. She was mostly used to file reports, handle sensitive information and do some hacking and coding when needed. She had even been sent on assignment before, with a small group of soldiers to gather information. Hux had said once that since she started working under him he was able to get more done. That had been said after a very long day and in a grudging tone but Daria took it as a compliment.  
She had survived training by using her brain instead of skill. If there was one thing Daria knew was that Knowledge was power. People pay well for silence and compliance, sometimes that payment is in credits, sometimes status and sometimes you get to keep your life. Being useful kept you close to power.  
The more power Daria gained the closer she was to reaching her goal, but she was beginning to realize that she was reaching the limit of what she could obtain. Hacking and coding was what she knew best, but she had hit a wall, there was no more room for growth in what she was going.  
“Ren, I don’t believe you have ever met my assistant.” Hux’s voice drew her away from her searching and thoughts, drawing her attention to the man that loomed behind her. When Daria looked over her shoulder she was met with the black and metallic gaze of a helmet. He stood a few feet away but his presence was imposing. “This is Daria Vane, Daria this the Sith Knight Kylo Ren.”  
“Sir.” Daria managed to force out. She was disturbed to see that Hux seemed to enjoy how uncomfortable she was, and sent him a halfhearted glare.  
She already felt out of place and It didn’t help that Kylo Ren was watching her, unwavering. That mask held no bearing as to what he was thinking. She suddenly felt awkward. She knew the charcoal gray uniform she wore made her silver hair appear white and her teal eyes stand out in a way that made her seem ghostly. It made her seem washed out and sickly. When she was young Kids on her planet back home often mused that she was half Echani based on her hair and name. But the truth was that Daria would never know.  
“Have you decrypted the message yet?” His voice was cold and almost robotic.  
“Uh, no. But I’m very close.” She quickly turned back to what she was doing as they continued to speak. Daria could feel his gaze on her every so often, the hair on the back of her neck would stand up or she would feel unnaturally cool. She wasn’t sure why.

“But General, I really think-”  
“Daria, don’t start.” Hux fixed her with cold look.  
“How long have I been your assistant? I may not know battle strategies like you, but I have sat through enough meetings to see the patterns. I just know something isn’t right, Hux.” She dropped the professionalism, hoping he would hear her out.  
“Daria, leave the battle plans to those who actually know what they are doing.” He sneered, obviously not in a good mood. “Now bring this information to Kylo Ren. Directions to his quarters should be on your tablet.”  
With that she spun on her heel and took off down the hallway, knowing that trying to fight the General on something like this was pointless. She had cracked the code on the message and it was saying the full map to Luke Skywalker was on some little backwater planet. It sounded like a trap but Hux wouldn’t listen.  
They had been arguing, for a few minutes on weather it was or not. Daria felt a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach when she read the message and Hux had just laughed. When he realized she was serious he had gotten angry.  
When Daria arrived at Kylo Ren’s quarters she took a deep breath and knocked. When the door slid open she slowly entered the room to find the man standing up from a desk next to a set of computer screens.  
“What is it?” He asked in plain annoyance.  
“I deciphered the message.” She handed him her tablet and he read through it slowly. She watched him carefully. Looking for any sort of body movement that might signal that he had the same feeling as her.  
“What is it that makes you think there is something wrong with the message?” The question bemused Daria. She hadn’t even said anything to him.  
“W-what? I don’t know what you mean.” She chewed the inside of her cheek in thought, Hux would be livid if she spoke her mind like this to the Knight. The last time she had spoken out of turn it had made him look bad and undermined him in a war meeting Hux had sent her on assignment for a week on a hot, swampy planet with the bare minimum. The troopers with her had been livid, and trying to get information out of lower life forms was incredibly frustrating.  
“Do not lie to me.” She resisted the urge to take a step back when he spoke almost angrily. Would this man really kill her if she didn’t answer? She had heard the stories, about his temper and reckless antics.  
“It’s too convenient. The whole map? On a random planet?” Daria blurted out.  
“That planet had been a source for Rebellion camps before.” Ren pointed out as he took a step closer, hands behind his back as he studied her.  
“Yes but not for a couple years now.” She swallowed as he tilted his head slightly as he paced even closer. The way Ren moved made Darias heart speed up a little and her senses were on edge; he moved like a predator.  
“Could be a cover.” He was barely a foot away from her at this point. He seemed to be humoring her, getting her to talk.  
“Or Hux could be getting desperate to deliver that he would walk into a trap.” The second she started speaking she knew she would regret it. Daria slapped a hand over her mouth but it was too late. Ren was watching her intently before letting out a metallic sound that was almost a chuckle. “I am sorry. I shouldn’t talk like that.”  
“It doesn’t matter to me what you have to say about your superior, good or ill.” He walked toward the door. “Come.”  
She followed the Sith Kight down the hall in silence, knowing that they were going straight to General Hux. Daria wondered if he was going to inform him of what she said. If Hux found out he would have her head for being disobedient.  
“You are not wrong about General Hux.” She was surprised at the Siths words. “He is desperate to impress Snoke.”  
“I’m not saying he isn’t good at his job, just that he is too eager.” She looked away when she felt his gaze shift to her. “My gut feeling isn't enough to deter him.”  
The silence was heavy as they reached the door.  
“You really think the full map could be on this planet?” Ren asked almost coyly once they entered the room, Hux was speaking to Phasma.  
“Yes, and we have checked the planet. There is minimal life forms on the surface, so it should be fairly easy to get in and out.” Hux seemed all to happy with himself.  
“Then perhaps you would be willing come down with your own group to aid in the search?” Ren’s words were taunting behind that mask. Suddenly Hux’s wrathful gaze was on her face.  
“Of course.” He spoke through gritted teeth. This was it… Daria was done for.

She stood in disbelief between the General and Kylo Ren as they waited for the bay doors to open. Hux had forced her to come with them because he was convinced it was her fault that Ren didn’t believe in this mission… and he wasn’t completely wrong. It was almost as if Ren was trying to make Hux chicken out. Daria wished he would.  
Phasma lead her troops out, Kylo Ren followed then Hux and herself. The longer they were on the muggy, hot planet the more filled with dread Daria became. It was as if something was trying to push her away, and everything in her body begged her to run. She tried to convince herself it was just nerves.  
“I don’t know what you said to Ren, but the next time you go saying things that forces me into field work I will personally send you to conditioning.” Hux hissed at her as they walked.  
“I’m sorry General… I think he used Jedi mind probing… I swear I didn't say anything until he forced me to.” She offered weakly.  
“I don’t care. Lie next time.” He spat.  
“He would have killed me if I lied.” She caught Hux’s gaze and he sighed.  
“At least then you wouldn’t be my problem any more.” His tone hadn’t changed but she knew the General was joking, even if it wasn't very funny.  
“LOOK OUT!” A storm trooper behind them bellowed just before a blast took out 4 men. Daria hit the ground hard, dark soil coating her cheek. She felt Hux grab a fist full of the back of her coat and hurl her behind a giant tree along with him and a few storm troopers. Another shot made a huge crater in the road just ahead of where they had been walking, soil flying everywhere. General Hux shouted at a few storm troopers to cover the rest then turned to Daria, blaster drawn, with a look of determination and fear.  
“We are going to make a run for the ship. Understand?” She just stared at him not knowing what to do. “Daria!”  
“Yes! Okay!” She stood and shook her head. When Hux gave the signal all hell broke loose. Blasters going off, another explosion and Daria trying desperately to keep up with Hux. Suddenly there was a searing pain in Darias side and she fell hard on her right knee, collapsing on her side. The mud beneath her making a squelching sound as she struggled into an upright position.  
A blaster shot had found its mark just above her left hip. She tried to keep pressure on it and looked up to see Hux trying to reach her but ducking as another shell hit near by. Daria turned around just in time to see 3 large pieces of stone come flying at her. She threw her arms up in front of her out of instinct, waiting for impact… but it never came.  
When she slowly opened her eyes the stones were suspended in mid air, just hanging there a few yards in front of her. The second she moved to lower her arms they came crashing down. Daria jumped a little and stared in awe as they sunk slightly into the mud. Had she really done that?  
Another blast rocked the ground nearby and more debris came flying in their direction, but a dark figure appeared and stood before her, red cracking light saber in hand. When he raised a hand all the movement stopped, almost as if the area had been paused. Daria watched as Kylo Ren forced the explosion back and the stormtroopers headed over a hill to overtake the hidden marksmen. When he turned to face Daria there was a split second that he was going to turn the lightsaber on her, but she felt herself get hauled up by two stormtroopers.  
“Take her to the medical bay. When we are back on Starkiller Base, bring her B Cell. Keep her under surveillance until then.” At Rens words the troopers pulled her sore body back toward the ship, past a shocked Hux who quickly turned to Kylo Ren. But Daria didn’t hear what he was saying.


	2. Chapter 2

A full day had gone by since her wound had been taken care of and she had been lead to a cell where she sat now. She was so full of questions but a part of her already knew what was happening… She had used the force. Now they had to decide what to do with her.  
Daria knew of how Kylo Ren had become the last Sith, he had murdered his peers. All of them. There was no way to escape; her fate was sealed and there was no way out for her. No one was coming to save her, no one was going to break her out. She was born just another child in the dirt, and she would be slaughtered as a prisoner of the First Order. That though lit a fire in her chest. Daria had been happy when the Order had picked her up, it meant she could prove to herself that she wasn’t just another abandoned child, that she was more than just another person living in the dirt of the universe… Now she would be cut down and thrown out like trash.  
“Come with me.” Rens voice startled her, she hadn't even noticed the door slide open. Daria stood quickly as he stepped out of the doorway and trailed behind him with a stormtrooper on either side, hands in shackles. When they reached the hologram room only Daria and Ren entered, the storm troopers stood outside.  
“Speak when you are spoken too, and only then.” His words were strained with urgency behind the metallic distortion as he unlocked the cuffs around her wrists. “Agree with everything I say, do you understand?”  
“I… Yes.” There were so many questions running through her head. What was going on? and why was he doing this? Why was he talking like this?  
She followed him to the center of the room and almost jumped when a large hologram appeared before them. This had to be Supreme Leader Snoke. The man was bald and covered in nasty looking scars that didn’t seem to heal correctly. Ren pushed down on her back, bringing Daria to one knee as he knelt beside her.  
“This is the girl?” He asked staring down at them as they stood back up.  
“Yes my lord.” Ren answered with a nod.  
“Have you exhibited force sensitivity before girl?” He asked her in an indifferent tone.  
“No, this is the first time anything like this has happened.” She quickly answered.  
“That will happen, being around someone so intune with the force as Kylo Ren. It tends to draw it out of others, especially under duress.” He mused darkly.  
“She has expressed her desire to train under the dark side.” Rens words and a jolt down her spine. Why was he lying for her?  
“Have you now girl?” Snokes monstrous gaze fell on Daria and she prayed he couldn’t read her mind through a hologram.  
“Yes.” She said remembering the rushed warning Ren had given her. “I want to learn how to use the force.”  
“All I have heard from Hux is how disobedient she is.” The statement was so simple but it felt like a death sentence. She wondered what Hux would say if he knew that he had inevitably signed her death warrant.  
“Fear is more effective than rank.” That statement was equal parts terrifying and surprising coming from Kylo Ren. The way he said it was almost like a command directed at her in a conversation with Snoke. The silence seemed to drag on as the Supreme Leader of the First Order studied his Knight.  
“So you will train her?” His voice echoed through the room and Rens fists clenched at his sides.  
“If that is what you decide.” Ren’s answer seemed to please Snoke.  
“Tell me girl, why do you wish to become a Sith?” She couldn’t rely on Ren to answer this time, she had to find an answer on her own. Daria looked down for a long moment before turning her pale eyes to the hologram.  
“I have a lot of people to prove wrong… And gaining more power is the only way I can do that.” She waited anxiously for a reaction. Ren turned his head towards her, she could sense the surprise rolling off from him. Snoke gave a small smirk and leaned back in his chair.  
“Very well. You shall be Kylo Ren’s Padawan.” And just like that the Hologram was gone. Daria didn’t realize she was staring into space until she heard Ren walking away.  
“Wait!” She called out without thinking, grabbing the crook of his arm. She froze when she realized what she had done and immediately let him go. He simply looked at his arm where her hand had been and turned to face her. “Why did you do that for me?” When he continued to stare at her she looked away uncomfortably. “You just saved my life.”  
“Don’t thank me just yet.” He finally said. “I will inform General Hux that he is in need of a new assistant. We begin training tomorrow.”  
With that he left, cloak sweeping behind him as he exited the room and Daria was left to rationalize what he had just done.

The next day she found herself waiting in a training room for Ren to show up. The walls were white and plain, a large mat covered most of the floor. There were blasters laid out on a table, various other weapons and equipment stood in all corners of the room. Daria looked around them cautiously and wondered what exactly her training would consist of. Where do you start with something like this? She had no light saber of her own, she didn’t even know how Jedi got them. She wouldn’t trust herself with one any way. She also realized that it had been a long time since basic training.  
“Anxiety is a good sign.” Daria turned to face Ren as he entered.  
“How is it a good sign?” She sighed.  
“It means you are taking this seriously.” He answered slowly.  
“What made you think I wouldn’t? It was this or death. I like breathing.” She bit the inside of her cheek for allowing herself to talk like that. She waited to be reprimanded but Ren seemed to ignore it.  
“What weapons are you trained with?” He asked as he walked past the table.  
“Nothing even close to a light saber if that’s what you’re asking.” she explained feeling more bold. “But I did excel at close hand to hand combat.”  
“Have you ever tried a dual weapon?” He asked after a pause.  
“Only guns. They were limited on what they taught at the academy, especially basic training.” She watched as he picked up 2 short metal rods that had a leather grip and handed them to her. He placed the hilt of his light saber on the table and picked up one that was longer than her two.  
“Don’t let me hit you.” He warned as he removed his cowl. She waited anxiously to see if he would remove his helmet, but of course he didn’t. Ren lunged at her and she barely had time to duck and roll away. If she hadn’t moved she was pretty sure he would have broken her something in her shoulder.  
“That’s all the advice I get?!” She laughed more out of surprise than actually finding it amusing. He swung across trying to hit her side but she blocked with both weapons. Her elation at being able to hold of the attack was short lived as he spun and spun at the other side. Daria jumped back but clipped her hurt side on a gun rack and collapsed from the pain. Ren was already coming at her and didn’t seem like he could stop. She raised her weapons in and X to catch his sword and forced her legs around to trip him but he jumped back.  
“Good try.” He scoffed as she stood. “You are not as bad as I thought you would be.”  
“Thanks?” She shrugged as she rubbed her side, making sure no blood was coming through the bandage. “What’s the point of teaching me with 2 weapons if I’m going to be using a light saber or the Force?”  
“Work with what you know, then move on to what you don’t.” He raised the sword. “Again.”  
They spared like that for close to two hours. Ren got quite a few hits on her and had thrown her down more times than she could count, her head hurt from all of the collisions. But no matter how hard Daria tried she could never land a hit on him.  
Finally she had his sword pinned with one of hers and tried to jab him with the other but he quickly kicked her in the side. It just happened to be the one she had been shot on and she collapsed again.  
“I’m fine.” Daria wheezed trying to catch her breath. “One more time, I almost got you that time.”  
“No we are done for today.” Ren stood planted to the floor, as if her were stuck between helping her up and walking out the door.  
“Just once more.” She stood up shakily. She was tired, sore and in pain but something in her was fixated on hitting him. She had worked so hard and came so close during her first session that she couldn’t let it go.  
“I said no. You need not rush.” He took the weapons from her and placed them back on the rack. “Work of sensing the force until tomorrow.”  
“How do I do that?” Daria rubbed her sore shoulder.  
“Focus on the ebb and flow of the force through your own body. Focus on how you felt when you used the force last time.” He was standing closer to her now and she could almost feel the heat rolling off his body from the physical activity.  
“I was scared last time… Desperate.” Daria mused.  
“Focus on that. Tomorrow we will focus on combat again and if you are ready I will tell you the next step to harnessing the force.”

Weeks passed and Daria became more attuned with her mentors movements, she was able to land some blows, altho infrequently. Ren had showed her the beginning to controlling the force. Daria could move small things with her mind over fairly long distances. She found that her ability to bend people to her will was surprisingly acute, even Ren had been ever so slightly impressed. Entering other's minds showed to be a little bit of a challenge for her, she could only dream of being as proficient as her mentor.  
Daria also felt like Ren had begun to warm up to her. She actually got him to laugh one day with one of her random quips, and he seemed less rigid, though that could be because of the fighting. Daria found herself wondering if the mutual sense of comfort was just from spending so much time together or if there was something more to it. She had no idea how to gauge her mentors emotions, he always had that mask.  
She had begun to enjoy his presence, unsure of weather it was from familiarity or because she enjoyed the way he listened silently before actually speaking. None the less, she found herself wanting to be around him more and more. Daria wondered if he even liked being around her, she certainly didn’t think before she spoke. She covered her feelings in snarky remarks and his her fear and pain behind bored smiles and offhanded disrespect.  
Though she had begun to understand her mentor she had not expected to be sent on assignment so soon after training. But there she stood in the war room with the General, Ren and Phasma as they explained the details of her mission.  
“What do you mean I have a mission?” Daria gaped at her mentor. “I don’t even have a Light saber yet.”  
“That will be taken care of tomorrow.” Ren was standing next to General Hux who looked slightly annoyed with his hands behind his back.  
“Is she really ready for this?” He asked the Sith Knight.  
“It isn’t a complicated mission, she has done similar ones for you in the past. Besides,” He turned menacingly towards the General. “I know the strength of my own student.”  
“Yes well before she was your student she was my assistant and had scarcely seen combat.” Daria began to wonder if Hux was less worried for the mission and more so for her.  
“I’m just collecting information on the rebel army. I’ll be undercover, so I won’t really have to fight right?” She turned to Ren who nodded. “So really it’s no different than when you sent me to hack into that Rebel computer a few months ago.”  
“Daria this is completely different.” Hux pinched the bridge of his nose. “You won't have a whole squad backing you up.”  
“I think I can manage.” Daria grinned as she held up the blaster that had been strapped to the general’s hip a few moments ago that she had lifted with the force. When he frowned at her and stepped over to take it back she raised an eyebrow at him before looking at Ren. He seemed to have stopped himself from stepping forward, as if to protect her from Hux. As if Hux would try and harm her, Daria thought. He was a ruthless General, but he wasn't reckless like her Mentor. She gave him questioning look before Ren turned to leave the room.

The next day Daria stood in the air hanger, trying her best not to look nervous. Her jaw was clenched and her hands clasped behind her back as she paced in front of the aircraft that would drop her on the Rebel planet. She wore charcoal gray trousers, a maroon tunic with a black belt, boots and heavy hooded poncho. Her silver hair was in it’s normal messy french braid down her back. The dark colors were stark against her washed out appearance, she no longer looked like a ghost but a stark contrast of herself. Instead of blending into the scenery, she stood out, looking more severe. Daria wondered if this was a good or bad thing.  
“Daria.” Ren greeted her as he approached then held out both his hands. He handed Daria two light saber hilts, both a little smaller than his own. She took them and looked to him, when he nodded she activated both blades. They buzzed to life and Daria stared in awe. They were smooth and steady, nothing like Ren’s own sword. They were both also substantially shorter, suited for what she was good at, close combat. She spun them in her hands to get a good feel for them and enjoyed the sounds they made as they moved through the air.  
“They’re nothing like yours.” She noted glancing at the hilt at his hip.  
“Because they are yours, not mine.” Ren answered as cryptic as ever, making her wonder if he made his that way it was on purpose.  
“Where did you even get these?” Daria asked as she turned them off and carefully attached them to her belt.  
“I made them.” His answer surprised her and he continued when she raised her eyebrows. “Light sabers are better made using the force. You are not far enough in your training to create one on by yourself. When there is more time Snoke will teach you to make your own.”  
“I think I like these ones just fine.” She nodded to him before turning and boarding the ship.

It had been hours since Daria had arrived on this grimy planet and she hadn’t learned anything. She had been shoved and bustled through the street but no one paid her any mind, she seemed to blend in well with the vast variety of beings on this planet. Her search had lead her to a busy bar at the center of town where she currently sat at the bar listening discreetly to conversations. When someone mentioned something interesting, a smuggling ring. She carefully moved her way to the table that the large man occupied and waited for his drinking buddy to leave. When she sat down in front of him with her drink he seemed surprised but soon grinned when she flashed him a flirtatious smile.  
“Did I hear you say something about smuggling? That sounds pretty dangerous.” She giggled flirtatiously.  
“Yea it is, Baby. But I won’t bore a sweet thing like you with that sort of thing.” He leaned forward and placed his dirty hand over hers. Daria looked down with clear distain then fixed him with a fiery gaze.  
“You will tell me what I want to know. You will take your hands off of me, and you will not call me Baby.” The second she started talking his eyes glazed over.  
“I will tell you what you want to know.” He backed off and let go of her hand.  
“Where does this smuggling ring lose its tails?” She asked as she took a sip of her drink.  
“On Takodana.” He answered slowly.  
“Tell me what’s on Takodana.” She comanded.  
“A castle, a cantina run by Maz. She houses smugglers and outlaws.” He answered.  
“Good. Have another drink, and forget you ever saw me.” Daria stood and headed to the exit as the man mumbled to himself over his drink. As she stalked through the crowd outside and down an ally she was wrenched around by her arm to face another large dirty man. He had about five other behind him, all with smirking faces.  
“I saw what you did to my friend back there.” He growled at her.  
“I didn’t do anything to your friend, we were having a conversation.” Daria tried to free her arm but his grip was like a vice.  
“What the hell are you, you little mutt.” Anger coursed through her veins at the question, at the word.  
When he pulled her closer she didn’t even give him a chance to speak. Daria jammed her fist into his throat and kicked him backward into one of the other men and he toppled down. She paused to see the men’s shocked faces and thought how easy it was to fight someone who wasn't Kylo Ren. He was graceful and unpredictable in his movements, though erratic at times. These men were untrained and sloppy.  
Two men pulled blasters and began to shoot. Daria ducked behind a pile of bricks that littered the alley and pulled both sabers from her belt. She took a deep breath before igniting them and rolling out to the middle of the ally. She blocked a few shots by twirling the blades together then cut down the first man and ran the second on through the abdomen.  
The last two ran at her with bladed staffs and she almost laughed. She cut the staff of one in half but the second stabbed her in the shoulder as she spun to block, the metal tip poked through the skin on the other side before he pulled it back. When Daria fell to one knee under the pain she quickly back stabbed and caught the man just above the knee. He fell in pain and she hit him in the face twice with the hilt of her saber. The last man kicked her in the side and sent her sprawling, one of her sabers skidding away from her in the dirt. She sprung from where she landed and came down on him in a spinning ark, the beam of her light saber cutting deep into his shoulder and he crumpled to the ground.  
When Daria collected her other light saber she looked over the carnage she had inflicted and froze. Had she really done something like this so easily? What was that feeling she had when it had happened? Adrenalin, or was it elation? She had enjoyed it.  
Hooking the weapons back to her belt, Daria made her way back to where the ship was waiting for her.

Daria found herself sitting in her undershirt on a metal table as a medic tended to the gash on her shoulder, holding an ice pack to her head where it had connected with the ground. She was still thinking about how she had felt killing those men when Ren came stalking into the medical wing. Daria felt exposed sitting there in nothing but a thin shiff and trousers with the glass eyes of his mask boring into her.  
“I found the center of a smuggling ring. A Cantina run by a woman named Maz, on a planet called Takodana.” She flinched when the medic pressed a little too hard on her wound. Ren quickly looked at the medic, the movement almost hawk like. The medic looked slightly sickened and terrified as he slowly pulled his hands away from Daria  
“It’s okay.” She assured both of them and the medic continued to dress her wound and Ren relaxed. “If anyone is smuggling the droid they will have to pass through there first.”  
“We will place moles on the planet.” Ren finally Spoke. “You did well.”  
“Thank you.” Daria looked away from him, not wanting him to see the uncertainty in her eyes. Ren lingered for a long moment, as if he wanted to say something, but left when he thought better of it.


	3. Chapter 3

Days later Daria was walking back to her quarters from the training room. Ren had scolded her, telling her she was not trying hard enough to enter his mind. He told her that he could barely feel her. She wasn’t sure why she was so flustered over it, she just wanted to impress him but for some reason mind probing just didn’t work for her. She wondered if it was that she just couldn’t do it, or if something was holding her back...  
“Daria?!” A familiar voice called from behind her at the end of the hall. When she turned she saw a face she never thought she would see again.  
“Ayma?” She awkwardly hugged back when the older girl hurried down the hall to Daria and threw her arms around her in an unwarranted embrace. “What are you doing here?”  
“I thought I saw you the other day! I got a job as a mechanic in the air hanger.” She rattled off excitedly. “You got a job as the head Tech analyst, assistant to general Hux right?!”  
“Yea… well not really any more.” Daria rubbed the back of her neck as Ayma looked her up and down. She wondered if the other girl knew that a job with the first order was actually a very hard contract to break… But people like them didn’t have much of a choice. Anything seemed better than the life they led on Setuna.  
“That isn’t Order regulated uniform…” Ayma was looking at her black pants and tunic.  
“No it… isn’t.” Daria sighed. “I’m actually and Padawan Sith Now.”  
“Y-you're a what?” Her eyes were wide and she seemed a little uneasy, but she forced a fake smile. “That… That’s amazing! I didn’t know you were force sensitive.”  
“Neither did I. It sort of came out after I started working with Kylo Ren. I guess high concentration of the force can awaken sensitivity… I’m not sure really.” She shrugged warily.  
Ayma was alway seemed a little off to Daria, too fake. She always pretended everything was okay back home, like the jobs they did never hurt anybody. Daria remembered the first time she had met the older, well adjusted girl; Ayma had told her that she only did errands for that bastard Varsus. Then Daria had walked in on her doing one of those errands for one of Varsus’ friends, heard the words exchanged and her perception changed. You had to do what you had to do on that planet, but some things were just too dark to imagine.  
“So he’s your teacher, huh?” Ayma fidgeted uncomfortably under her gaze. “Didn’t he kill all the other…”  
“Yea… He Killed all the Padawan Jedi.” Daria watched her face carefully.  
“Why didn’t he kill you?” That question had been bouncing around her head for days now.  
“I’m not sure. But it’s put me into a position of power, I can prove that I’m better than Satuna now.” She rolled her eyes when the other girl frowned.  
“You did though, you had a job as head analyst didn’t you?”  
“I can do more with this-”  
“I know you want to prove Varsus wrong Daria, but why does that matter now?” Ayma interrupted her. “You made it out. He can’t hurt you any more and all the rest of the can burn in hell.”  
“You don’t know what it’s like Ayma. You were happy under his boot.” She snapped. “So stop trying to pretend you care, you would have sold me out if the price was right.”  
“You really have changed haven’t you?” Ayma looked offended, almost defensive now.  
“Because I’m not afraid anymore? Is that really such a bad thing?” Daria narrowed her eyes at her.  
“I’m only saying you don’t have to be so ruthless about it.” The other girl said haughtily.  
“Ruthless? If I remember correctly you are the one who helped Varsus blackmail the hospital, and twenty people died as a direct result from not having the funds for treatments, Ayma.” She let out a tight laugh when the other girl looked horrified. It was never Darias intent to use that information, but she had to find a way to draw attention off herself before she lost control of her emotions. “Tell me, did that small bloody fortune help you escape? You are delusional if you think you could make it of that rock as a good person, I won’t condemn you for what you did. But at least I don’t lie to myself about what I’ve done.”  
When the other girl didn’t speak she continued. “I am going to take him down Ayma. His whole outfit needs to end. It’s good you got out when you did.”  
“Well… Good luck Daria...” Ayma looked defeated and embarrassed as she turned and went back the way she had come. Leaving Daria shaking. When had she started shaking?  
Once Ayma rounded the corner Daria took off running down the corridor as fast as she could. She didn’t stop until she reached her quarters and closed the door as quickly as she could. Tears were streaming down her face as she stood shaking in frustration in the center of the room. She let out a sudden broken shriek and fell to the floor. As her knees met the tiles every bit of glass in the room cracked. The mirrors, cups, vases and table tops.  
Why did that have to be brought up? All of the things she was fighting to escape brought right back from the dark recesses of her mind to wreak havoc on her. The home for wayward children. Varsus, the man that offered credits for illegal items, information and services and acted as if he was doing them a favor… like the alternative was better. All of the people that snubbed her for not being pure-blood anything, for being a mutt, being told over and over that she was just another ‘child in the dirt’... Then the fact that Ayma had to point out that she was being trained by a man who would just as soon kill her as he would anyone else...  
“Use it.” Daria didn’t even ask how Ren got into her quarters, standing in front of the closed door.  
“I don’t know how!” She practically screamed at him.  
“All of the anger you feel towards the people who put you down, held you back, that black hole of a planet; take all your rage from that and focus it on your fighting.” Daria spun around on her knees, face stained with tears to glare at him. She looked desperate, not feeble, but like a wild animal caught in a trap. Her teal eyes seemed brighter in their bleary sockets and her mouth was formed into a trembling grimace. Ren paused for a moment, head tilted to the side.  
“Get out of my head.” She spoke in a harsh whisper. Daria didn’t care if she angered him, right now she was raw. But he showed no anger as he knelt before her.  
“Make me.” She felt Ren push further into her mind, she had never felt him enter her mind before and she wondered if it was because of her agitated state.  
Daria put up barrier after barrier but he slowly tore them down until almost none of her feelings were hidden. Ren began to dig into one particular unconscious feeling that she had buried away for years. The horrid feeling of being inadequate, that her mother viewed her as trash and cast her away because she couldn’t bare the fact that her baby wasn't fully human, that everyone else viewed her as dirt because she was a mutt, that she was an unknown. The feeling that she would give anything to be someone else, something else.  
“Stop!” She opened her eyes, realizing that her forehead had been resting against Ren’s metal clad one as she inhaled and exhaled in rapid succession. She pushed back with more force than she thought she had. Suddenly she was flooded with emotions.  
Anger, inadequacy and regret, so much regret, but she felt as though she would suffocate under the loneliness she felt at that moment. The kind of loneliness and alienation that came from within, growing in a silent sort of madness. Daria shot back away from him then.  
She sat on the floor, back against the shattered coffee table with her chin on her knees trying to calm down as she watched Ren. He was still crouched down on the floor, the black fabric pooled around his feet. His hands were clenched in front of him, elbows on his knees, as he stared down at the floor, no sound coming from behind that metal mask. Daria thought she could see him shaking.  
She couldn’t focus on that now. She was having a hard time controlling her mind, because she was slowly realizing that all of those feelings she felt were Rens. All of those feelings that Daria had felt alone at night so many times, he felt too. And now all of her personal thoughts, he now knew. All of those feelings and dark emotions, everything she thought of herself… of him.  
“Well?” Her voice was defensive and angry as she tried hard to hide the shaking in her voice. She sounded pitiful. “Are you going to say anything?”  
His silence cut through her. Daria wondered if he was going to tell her that he would no longer train her. That she was weak for having these feelings of utterly falling short and holding so tightly to what she was told her whole life.  
“The hardest part of controlling the force is controlling those emotions.” Rens voice was very strained and she realized that he had been trying to keep himself calm as well. The thought of him being just as affected by what just happened sent an anxious shock through her body. What did he think of her now if not weak? If he was a Knight and still had some trouble controlling such things, what chance did Daria ever have?  
“What if I can’t?” Her voice seemed small, almost like it wasn't hers. Her snarky facade had finally crumbled to pieces, falling somewhere on the floor with the glass of the table behind her. His head turned quickly to look at her, as if the sound of her voice alarmed him. She felt the eye contact then, even if she couldn’t see his face. Ren stood and slowly walked to her.  
“You will.” He offered her a hand and she took it, allowing him to pull her to her feet.  
“Ren… Why did you help me when you found out I was force sensitive?” She swallowed hard, knowing there would never be a good time to ask him this. Daria knew he could get into a lot of trouble lying to Snoke like that, even if it was a little white lie. He was silent for a long moment before he spoke.  
“I don’t know.” He said slowly, testing the simple words, as if they were a carefully crafted lie. Daria watched her reflection in the glass of his mask and realized that she still held his loose hand in her grip. She quickly let it go and took a step back.  
“I’m weak. You must have sensed that before all of this.” She gestured to the room.  
“You are stronger than you think, Daria.” He paused, reaching out as if to touch her arm but stopped himself. “And you can become so much more.”  
“It actually makes me feel better, knowing I’m not the only one who feels these things...” She reached out with a tentative hand and placed it carefully on the side of his mask. When he didn’t move away she felt a jolt through her stomach, a mixture of excitement and something else. “That you aren’t so unlike me.”  
“We all wear our masks, mine is physical, yours….” She could practically feel Rens eyes bore into her. “Are your words.”  
Somehow Daria felt calm as she watched him leave, sweeping out the door silently. Her room was trashed but she felt like she understood a little more, even if it was just about the strange relationship she had with her mentor.

“General Hux, you haven't called on me in quite sometime, you must be missing me.” Daria joked as she walked into the war room. There were only a few Stormtoopers in the room, no Phasma or Ren.  
“This is no laughing matter, Daria.” Hux gave her a serious look. She noticed that he no longer looked down at her, he almost regarded her equally, that or he seemed to respect her. “I need you to take this report to Kylo Ren.”  
“I thought I wasn’t your assistant anymore.” She quipped but took the tablet from him any way. It wasn’t like she really minded.  
“It’s… information he may not react well too. It’s better if someone like you deliver it.” She watched him in slight confusion then she looked down at the tablet like it would bite her.  
“I may be training in the force but if he decides to shoot the messenger I don’t stand a chance, Hux.”  
“I know, but you stand a better chance than most. Besides he doesn't use guns.” He was grinning and she realized he was trying to make a joke.  
“This is no laughing matter, General.” She mocked before she caught a glimpse of what one of the Stormtroopers were doing on the computer. He was trying to encrypt a code and not doing a very good job. She gently pushed him over and typed a few things and added a little more security, explaining a little of it as she went. When she straightened up the Stormtrooper mumbled a thanks.  
“And you know if you ever need help in encrypting messages it's my specialty, just give me a call.” She smirked at the General.  
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Hux bid her good luck as she left to find Ren.  
As Daria made her way to Ren’s quarters she stared at the tablet, wondering what was so important that Hux couldn’t send it with a Stormtrooper… or maybe he really thought Ren would kill whoever bore the message.  
She typed her password into the tablet out of curiosity and to her mild surprise she was able to access the file. The file explained that the Droid had escaped again, despite putting the bounty on it. That it was reported from mercenaries that it was on a ship called the Millenium Falcon. That name was familiar to Daria, she had heard stories of the Man, Han Solo, who Piloted it.  
When she reached Rens quarters she locked the tablet and cleared her mind, placing a barrier over the information just in case he probed her mind before reading the file. He had stopped invading her mind since the day she accidently entered his, but she wanted to be sure. She knocked on the door and it slid open, allowing her to enter.  
“Ren, Hux asked me to bring you a file.” He turned from his desk, automatically suspicious. “He said you wouldn’t be happy..”  
He stood and took the tablet from her and quickly unlocked it. As he read she could practically feel the anger rolling off from him, the more he read the larger his anger grew until Daria felt the whole room fill with it’s heat. Ren finished reading and placed the tablet on his desk slowly, but with enough force that it made a loud sound when it made contact with the metal.  
Before she could say or do anything Ren had his lightsaber out and was completely demolishing his desk, computers and anything else he could reach. Darias first reaction was to run, but to her surprise she immediately ran forward, ducking under the lightsaber as he swung it around his head. She grabbed the arm that wasn’t holding the saber and tried to pull him back.  
“Ren! Stop it!” She pleaded as he spun on her, Lightsaber aloft as if to cut her down but he froze, Metallic face fixed on her. Daria refused to look at the weapon, she focused on his face, trying so hard to make him understand. “Please…” She reached up and placed a hand over his on the Lightsaber and lowly switched it off. Ren lowered his arm and straightened up still breathing heavily, but Daria wouldn’t let go of his arm.  
“I’m fine.” He said slowly and she finally released his arm from what she hadn’t realized was a death grip.  
“Well you’re room isn’t.” She looked around at the wreckage and Ren looked down and away from her with a metallic sound that might have been a laugh or a scoff. She eyeed him kindly. “You’re sure?”  
“Yes…” It was almost a question, as if he couldn’t understand why Daria was so concerned. She felt her heart tighten when she realized that probably not many people did any more, and wondered if this was her fate as well.  
Then it hit her, it already was. Daria had no family, she left her friends behind long ago to escape her planet and never went back. She had been alone for so long that she grew use to it, never noticed it. Until now. Being around Kylo Ren as much as she had been made her realize how much she craved companionship outside of her daily work.  
“Why did that make you so angry?” Daria asked carefully, preparing for another onslaught of destruction.  
“Like I said, the hardest part of controlling the Darkside, is controlling emotions.” Ren paused, thinking something over. “Han Solo is my father…”  
“Oh.” Was all Daria could think to say. The anger made sense in a way, if his father was a famous rebellion fighter and Ren himself was part of the first order. “If there is anything I can do…” She left the statement open as she turned to leave the room.  
“Thank you.” The words made Daria freeze, but she refused to turn and face Ren for fear her resolve would break. They had shared too many intimate moments lately, she was beginning to wonder how long she could resist these feelings.  
“For what?” She asked over her shoulder.  
“For not asking about it.” It was such an odd thing to be thankful for.


	4. Chapter 4

“Watch your feet.” Ren chided as he pushed her back against a wall of the training room and held her there, staring down at her through that dented mask. That mask had begun to taunt her, where her could easily read the emotion on her face and tell when she was watching him, Daria could not.  
She had no idea what he looked like and she had been spending the better part of a year with him. Daria could feel herself being drawn to her mentor and it alarmed her, what if he did not, could not, feel the same way?  
Daria pushed him hard and he staggered back as she brought both weapons down in a sweeping motion that almost connected with his chest, but Ren jumped back at the last second. He lunged at her and she dodged, hitting him with the practice sword right in the hind quarters. He was so surprised by the contact that she was able to kick his feet out from under him, but she was pulled down with him. Daria landed straddling his abdomen, pinning his sword hand above his head and one weapon at his throat.  
She studied the mask as she tried to catch her breath, small strands of silver hair that weren't braided back fluttered in front of her face. She wondered why he wasn’t moving, it wasn’t like she held a real weapon to his throat, or he couldn’t throw her off from him physically or with the force. That was when she noticed that the hand she didn’t have pinned was resting on her thigh. She wondered if Ren even noticed.  
Releasing his hand and dropping her weapons beside his head her hands slowly made their way to his helmet, waiting for him to stop her, but her never did. Her fingers fumbled with the clasp but when Daria finally got it the face of the helmet lifted up. She paused for a moment, wondering if she really wanted to see what her mentor looked like.  
Daria realized he mask was familiar to her, the face underneath wasn't. Anxiety gripped her chest and she wondered if this would change anything between them. It felt like such a small thing now after everything, but strange that she had never seen his face. She had imagined what Ren looked like before; stoic, severe and cold features on a war weathered face. Scared perhaps, even considerably older than her. Suddenly Daria wasn't sure if she was ready to find out.  
Rens gloved hands pushed past hers when Daria waited too long, and gripped the helmet, pulling it up and over his head. Daria swallowed, suddenly feeling strange. _He was handsome._  
Dark hair feathered around his slightly elongated face down to his shoulders. He had a prominent nose and cheekbones, freckled with small moles, and dark expressive eyes. His eyes... It was a good thing he wore that mask because Daria could see so many emotions in the depth of those eyes it was almost unnerving. It was as if he couldn’t hide any emotion from them, they were entrancing and she felt as though she could drown in them.  
“Ren, I-” Before she could finish her thought a gloved hand snaked around the back of her neck and pulled her closer. The braid in her hair had fallen out at some point and her silver locks brushed his face lightly. Darias face was barely an inch from Rens now and she felt the cold metal of his practice sword touch the exposed skin of her abdomen where her tunic had lifted up.  
“Don’t let your guard down.” His voice was deep, and finally not hindered by whatever filtered it through the mask. As his breath brushed her lips it sounded more like a warning than advice; it sounded more like a plea, because Ren knew that he was exposed. Daria fiercely closed the gap between their lips and felt his other hand grip her thigh, holding her there as if she would suddenly disappear. One of her hands found the side of his face and the other held her upright as Ren began to devour her.  
He kissed her desperately, uncharacteristic of how he normally was day to day. It was almost as if he didn’t care what anyone thought anymore, even if they were the only two there. He held her gently, but there was a possessiveness behind his moves that made Daria let out a small whimper. When Daria pulled away they were both breathing heavily, his hands clutching at her, silently begging her not to go. She shivered and leaned her forehead against his.  
“Can we really do this?” Daria didn’t care what the answer was, she wasn’t even sure why she asked.  
“No.” He mumbled against her lips as he pulled her in again. She gave into his demanding kiss and ignored the ache in her arm as she fought to keep herself up. When Ren pulled away he kept her forehead pressed to his, eyes closed as his gloved thumb slowly rubbed her cheek. “I have wanted to do this for so long.”  
“Why the wait?” She chuckled but stopped short when she saw a small smile spread across Rens lips. He stared up at her as she pulled back to get a better look.  
“What is it?” He asked, deep voice uncertain, brows knitting together. Everything about his facial expressions intrigued Daria, she had grown so use to the emotionless mask that it was all very strange.  
“You were smiling.” Daria gave him a shy look when he gave another soft smirk.  
“I have to resist the urge quite often around you.” He replied as she sat up, her arm starting to hurt, to sit on his torso.  
“I wouldn’t know.” Daria teased before she suddenly found herself on her back, Ren pinning her to the mat and staring down at her intensely.  
“When did you start feeling this way?” When Daria didn’t answer immediately, trapped under his searching gaze, he bent down and started trailing kisses across her jaw and neck.  
“I… I don’t know.” She stammered. “There was no exact moment.”  
“I have wanted you since the day I saw you in the War Room.” Daria let out a small gasp at the words and the fact that he had whispered it in her ear. “And I have loved you since the day you entered my mind.”  
“You… Love me?” She asked as she lifted his face to look at her. His gaze bored into her again as she felt her eyes threaten to brim with tears. “Why would you say that?”  
Daria sat up and rubbed her eyes free of tears, willing them not to fall, as Ren rolled off of her. He reached out and lifted her chin to look at him. His eyes were soft, not harsh or cold like she had imagined. Everything about him was alien now, but so familiar.  
“Because I do.” He answered.  
“But I’m a-”  
“A ‘mutt’? Unwanted? A failure?” The words cut deep but Daria suddenly remembered that he had felt just about everything her mind had to offer. “Let everyone else think that, prove them wrong. I do not need convincing otherwise.” He leaned in closer, his hand holding her chin gently pulling her to him. “I want you just the way you are…”  
Suddenly a call came through for Kylo Ren to the war room immediately. She saw anger fill his eyes as they stood and he bent to grab his helmet but Daria picked it up first. She looked it over before looking up into his eyes and handing it to him. The anger ebbed slightly from his features put the stern look in his eyes remained as he placed the helmet over his head and straightened up to his full height. Shoulders back, spine rigid, mask in place; he was her ruthless mentor again.  
Daria quickly braided her hair back again as Ren replaced his cowl and followed him out of the training room. They walked in silence as they made their way to the War Room.  
“What is so important that you had to interrupt training my student?” Ren asked after Phasma greeted them.  
“We have a lead to the whereabouts-” But Ren raised a hand to silence the General before he could finish.  
“I am not interested in rumors any more General Hux.” Rens tone was severe. “And I know that Snoke no longer is either.”  
The room grew quiet, all the stormtroopers seemed to be holding their breath. Hux looked vaguely annoyed but also uneasy and Phasma watched on intently.  
“Daria, go back to your training.” His voice was cold and she was taken aback. She was so blindsided that she simply turned slowly and left the war room. Before the door closed she caught Hux’s eye and gave him an apologetic look. She knew Ren was going to lay into them.

She had gone back to her room to practice levitation with the force but she found herself laying on her back in the center of her room in deep thought. Daria kept her eyes closed as she tried to organize her thoughts. Her mentor was in love with her. She was probably in love with him, she just wasn’t sure she was ready to face that. She was on her way to becoming a Sith with one motive in mind. She had to kill the man who had made her so damaged. Maybe then she could control the emotions she needed to become a Sith.  
Daria knew that it was a stretch, she was grasping at straws to rationalize why she wanted to kill the man. At first she only wanted to prove him wrong, she had a grandeur notion that she could save the planet. Now all she wanted to do was destroy it and Varsus. She had to feel that rush of elation as he fell before her as those mercenaries did when she gathered information on that mission.  
As Daria slowly opened her eyes she heard a few loud thuds. She had been levitated everything in the room about an inch from the floor without knowing it.. She had never been able to do that before. Daria realized that it was because she had gained control of her anger.  
She found herself walking to Ren’s room and didn’t bother knocking before she entered. He stalked out from the bedroom in the back and paused when he saw it was only her. Ren watched her carefully, noticing the change in her demeanor.  
“I’ve decided I need to go back to Setuna.” She explained. When he did not reply she clenched her jaw and took a deep breath. “I have some things I need to take care of.”  
“We have found the droid. It is on Takodana just as you predicted.” His metallic voice did not waiver and Daria wondered if she imagined him with his helmet off earlier, what if she had been dreaming? “Snoke is pleased with your work.”  
“What does this have to do with Setuna?” She inquired, tearing her eyes away from the mask, realizing she was almost staring.  
“He is pleased but still does not think you are ready for something of this magnatude.” He turned away from her and began to pace slowly. “Consider this a part of your training. Use the anger and resentment you have and defeat those who oppressed you. Then come back to me... and we will continue your training.”  
_Come back to me._ Again his words were hiding what he truly felt. It was less of a command and more of a plea. Daria approached him and with more force than she meant to, tore the fastenings of his helmet away, hands slipping slightly, and pulled it off his head. Ren’s raven hair spilled out around his face and he was gazing at her searchingly with those intense eyes.  
“I had to make sure it was real….” She took a breath as his mouth fell open slightly, surprised at her actions. “I had to make sure I didn’t imagine it.”  
Ren took the helmet from her and placed it on the table beside them. His gloved hand came very close to touching her face but he paused, as if fighting with weather he should do it or not. Daria reached up and carefully removed both gloves from Ren’s hands, placing them next to his helmet and held his hands in her own. They were warm against her ice cold fingers and they enveloped hers easily. She had to feel more of him, so little skin was exposed and all she wanted was to feel it against hers. The need was so demanding, almost desperate as she felt her heart beat quicken slightly.  
Daria blushed slightly when Ren chuckled darkly. Of course he had heard that from her mind, of course he was probing to see what she was thinking. Her body felt hot as he pressed his lips to hers slowly, but forcefully. Ren forced her back onto the table, knocking the helmet to the floor with a loud clatter, but neither paid attention. His cowl fell to the ground, along with his coat and belt, leaving him in his trousers and gauzy black tunic. Darias fingers trailed under the hem of his shirt as he slipped her heavy black poncho over her head.  
Ren pulled her so close he could barely breath as he kissed down her neck and shoulder, roughly pulling her tunic out of the way so forcefully that she heard some of the threats tear apart. Daria slowly lifted his shirt over his head and he quickly went back to what he was doing. It was almost surreal, seeing so much of his pale skin, freckled across the shoulders. Ren pulled her tunic over her head, leaving her in the thin fabric that functioned as a bra, and lifted his head to look at her through dark lashes and a veil of hair that Daria hadn’t realized she had messed up.  
She realized he was looking at the scar on her side from the blaster that hit her and the scar that traveled over her shoulder blade and collarbone from her fight. Ren slowly lowered his head to kiss and nip down the scar on her collar. Daria allowed him to push her so she was laying with her back against the cold table, as he gave the same treatment to the scar on her abdomen, just above her hip, making her squirm.  
“Ren!” She gasped and shot up onto her elbows as his lips made their way past the scar and trailed kisses across her stomach to her pant line. He straightened up to look at her with a rough groan, hands gripping her hips almost too harshly.  
Ren began to push against her mind with his, this time doing something new. She didn’t resist and suddenly she felt all of his longing, need and affection. She felt him practically begging her to let him do as he pleased, felt his growing desire… Daria felt her face heat up but sat up right holding his face in her hands. She shakily pressed her lips to his, and he kissed her back uncharacteristically soft.  
“I love you…” She whispered against his lips, barely audible. “You already knew that didn’t you?”  
“I’ve known longer than you have…” Ren answered before hoisting her up into his arms. Daria wrapped her legs around his waist and clung to his neck and shoulders with her arms. She nuzzled into his neck as he walked her into the bedroom.

Daria felt tired and content as she laid her head on Rens bare shoulder. His arms slowly encircled her protectively, possessively. She could feel his even breathing and steady heart beat, he was so different without the mask and imposing cloths, so human. When they got up to get dressed Daria finished and laid back on the bed, studying his back silently for a moment as he pulled on his boots.  
“Why do I feel like this is goodbye?” At her words he whipped around to stare at her in slight horror. Ren leaned over her, hand creating a dip in the mattress as he studied her face deep in thought.  
“Come back to me, and it won't be.” His voice made her shiver.  
“Why do you have to be so cryptic?” She sighed as she touched his face before he sat back up.  
“If you try to escape, Snoke will send me to hunt you down, and kill you.” Rens eyes looked pained, pleading again, as he watched her over his shoulder. Daria sat up and leaned her cheek against his shoulder, resting against his frame.  
“I have nowhere else to go.” She explained quietly. “Only you.”  
She felt his muscles relax at her words, and he dipped his head into his hands, rubbing his face in relief. Daria wondered what it would do to him if he was forced to kill her. Ren, she found, was already so insecure though he had little reason to be. He didn’t show it often, but Daria could tell he had something to prove, just like she did.  
“You know of the things that I have done?” Ren asked suddenly, glancing over his shoulder at her curled against his back.  
“You killed all of the Jedi Padawans.” Daria answered against the bare skin of his shoulder.  
“And still, you hold me close?” His voice sounded close to breaking as she lifted her head to look at him.  
“It doesn’t matter to me what you’ve done, Ren.” Their eyes met and a shiver traveled down her spine. His eyes had darkened, something sinister was rising in them.  
“If I tell you I must kill my father, what then?” Daria blinked slowly at the words. She never had a family, perhaps that was why the words didn’t horrify her. Perhaps it was the influence of this new darkness she felt surrounding her, or perhaps it was because it was Ren saying it. Daria wasn’t sure.  
“You do what you have to. I will still come back.” She answered quietly. Daria was suddenly pushed back onto the bed where Ren spun and positioned himself on top of her, pouncing on her like a wild beast. His eyes were flashing with rage, and something else… despair or madness. He pinned her down roughly, his face so close to hers she could feel his breath.  
“And if one day I turn on you? What then, Daria?” His words were harsh and his grip too tight, almost bruising. “If I turn this consuming anger towards you what then?”  
“I can take it.” Ren laughed harshly at that, he seemed desperate, a broken kind of hopeful.  
“You are no match for me.” The words were almost mournful as he spoke them against her lips, eyes closed, so close yet not making contact.  
“Then you can teach me.” Daria countered, pressing her lips softly to his. Rens eyes met hers again and she could see him slowly pulling away from the brink of his madness. “Teach me how to take your anger.”  
“You do not deserve this.” The grip on her wrist loosened slowly. Daria used her strength and the force to flip Ren over onto his back and held him there. He gazed up at her with slight defiance but made no move to escape.  
“I chose this. You.” Daria told him forcefully. Daria had been forced to do many things, joining the first order, becoming a sith, Loving Kylo Ren wasn’t one of them. She took a breath and closed her eyes for a moment before looking at him again. “I can take whatever you throw at me.”  
He studied her carefully before pulling her down to rest on his chest. They stayed like that for a long while, Ren staring at the ceiling, Daria tracing patterns across his side.  
“If I could go with you…” Rens voice sounded far away.  
“No It’s better this way.” Daria sat up to look at him. He looked utterly destroyed laying there with his eyes closed listening to her. “You were born with this power and darkness, I have to learn it.”  
His eyes opened then and it was a sight Daria would never forget. Dark hair a mess across the gray sheets, eyes so crowded with emotions that looking at them broke her heart.  
“Just come back to me and I will teach you how.” _How to love me._ Was what he was trying to say.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I have a ton more to add to this, but this seemed like a good place to end it.  
> More may be posted depending on how well it does!  
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
